


Happiness and misery go hand in hand

by Skchorpion



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Self-Harm, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-03 00:45:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6589837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skchorpion/pseuds/Skchorpion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sterek - Soulmates AU with a strange physical connection.</p><p>Bear with me and comment, please</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When the marks first started appearing, Derek didn't know what to do.

There were colours, light blue and green and pink and yellow, all over his left hand and right hand's palm. Derek tried to wash them off, but nothing happened. He didn't want to show his hands to his mother, so he started to hide them when possible. After some time they disappeared and Derek felt relief, but not for long. They came and went, different each time. Sometimes there were marks on his legs, too. When he got one bright orange stripe on his left chin, Peter noticed. Even though Derek tried explaining it to him, he couldn't stop Peter from telling Talia.

"Derek, show me your hands," Talia asked cautiously. Derek tried hiding his hands behind his back, even though he knew he'd have to commit sooner or later anyway.

"C'mon, Derek, it's not like Talia will make you wash your own jeans for two months," said Peter impatiently. Derek took his hands shyly and offered them to his mother without daring to look up. He would gladly wash his own clothes forever, if it meant the marks would disappear. Talia, however, seemed surprised.

"You know... In some myths, it is said a person can have a physical connection to their other half in life," she finally said to Derek. 

"Can you make them go away?" Derek pleaded. "Please?"

"Even if I wanted to, there is no way that I would know of. But you should understand that this is a gift from life that not everybody gets. So wear it proudly, and one day you might find your soulmate through this connection," Talia smiled at his son.

"Does it work the other way, too?" Peter asked his sister. "Does everything that Derek do appear on the other person's skin, too? Or is it just a one-way thing like mind-reading?"

"I do not have all the answers. I think Derek should find this out on his own, but for now, both of you should go back outside," Talia ordered. "Food will be ready in half an hour."


	2. Chapter 2

After a while, the bright-coloured marks stopped appearing. 

Derek didn't feel relief. He felt anxious, as if something bad had happened.  
The markings were gone. It was like he had lost his connection to his other half, someone whom he didn't even know. Perhaps they had just grown out of this weird art-phase. Still, Derek lingered. What if he won't find his soulmate anymore? Even after all these years, he didn't know whether or not this connection works both ways. Peter had been eager to find out, but Derek didn't feel like writing on his hand at all, because if he wrote something down, too, he would take the blame for everything from then on. So for once, Peter didn't get what he wanted. But now.... Now Derek was curious. He missed the markings on his hand that would make him feel less lonely at times. Just general knowledge of that there is someone out there that one day will be everything for him, cheered him up at his darkest moments. He missed his soulmate's messy markings.

He took his usual black pen and started to write, but then stopped. What would he even write, "hey, are you ok?" ? If it really did appear on the person's hand, they would be really confused and probably not in the mood for answering. Derek sighed. He can't even write "be careful" on his wrist, because it may sound like a threat to some people. And he doesn't even know what kind of person his soulmate is. Are they paranoid like him? Are they kind? Are they dangerous? Are they scared of werewolves.... Derek's mind wandered off. It would be better to just not write. Perhaps it is better if he forgets about the connection. After all, it is easier to never find your soulmate than to bear the truth that werewolves often have to deal with whilst having a human partner. The truth of being a threat, of being dangerous for your most beloved ones. The pain of fear in your soulmate's eyes. Derek didn't need any of that. He put his pen back on the desk and went straight to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Stiles couldn't paint anymore.  
He couldn't take the paintbrush into his hand without dropping it within 2 seconds. Mom was...

No.   
He has to get up and continue. He still has his dad to take care of. They take care of each other. And right now, dad needs to sort everything out, because things didn't go very well. Hadn't gone for a while, but now it's worse. No visiting the hospital, no calls to mom. No flowers or fruits. Only fast food and whiskey. Stiles guessed that's just the adult version of slowly dying. But they were supposed to get through this together.

So Stiles pulled himself together and started looking out. If not for himself, then for his dad. For Scott. They were all he had. Life hadn't been easy for any of them. Scott's dad had left and well, even though he said he doesn't need a pathetic male figure in his life, Stiles clearly saw something missing from Scott's life. Stiles knew, too. Knew what it felt like.

Instead of losing himself in the panic attacks and refusing to get up, Stiles put all his focus on his dad. He put together a healthy menu, went shopping, cooked, forced his dad to eat, to watch baseball and take care of himself. He helped his dad back on the track by writing down the chores to do, when and what do they have for lunch, making everything a routine. Because routine was something they both needed. And taking care of his dad helped Stiles to calm down on his own. He had fewer panic attacks. He started planning things to do with Scott again. Plotting for Lydia to fall in love with him. 

But he couldn't paint. He couldn't look at the colours and see his mother smiling at his work.   
He just couldn't.


	4. Chapter 4

Then it started again.

It had been months and a lot of things had happened in between, making him forget his connection to a person who used to cover his hands with colour. It just didn't feel real after a while. There was only dull mourning, emptiness he thought would never be filled.

Then one morning there was a whole schedule on his left wrist.

7.06 wake up  
7.21 make porridge?  
7.46 food 4 dad  
7.51 clean the bike  
12.22 check on dad  
12.27 library due  
15.03 group prj w/scott  
17.14 check on dad

The weird number combinations made Derek smile. Is his soulmate's father okay though? Derek wondered what kind of emotion did his soulmate write these things down with. Maybe their parents were sick or so. Nevertheless, it was good to see his hand covered with ink again.

Later in the gym he noticed that something had been added to the list. First part of the list was already smudgy, but the rest was readable.

milk  
veggies??  
peanut butter  
bread  
oil  
pasta  
tomatoes  
toilet paper

"Huh," Derek said to himself. Now half of his hand was covered in a messy handwriting, with a few crossed lines here an there when something had been said or done already. His soulmate had gone to the library, but not done the group project with Scott, as the last note had a red circle around it. 

19.05 go to Scott's

appeared on Derek's left thumb. He wondered who Scott was, why was checking on dad so important for his soulmate and tried to understand the strange timings, but overall he felt happy. And happiness was something he hadn't felt in a while. Paige had taken it with her when she died. With nothing on his wrist to remind him of the soulmate he could have one day, it had been hard to get through her death. But now it seemed like he would be alright, because his soulmate was still in the same world with him.


	5. Chapter 5

The notes stayed.

Sometimes they were random words like

boa cage?  
strawberry blonde  
visceral  
Melissa's bd  
I h8 jcksn  
basement - covet  
construction worker?

that Derek couldn't understand, but he appreciated them anyways. Even though Derek mostly wore long-sleeved shirts, he often checked whether something new had been written on his arms. Sometimes the words appeared on his skin just as he was checking, making him feel even more connected. Sometimes he discovered new lines when they were already crossed out. But as time went on, Derek started to feel hopeless again. There were never any clues he could actually use to find his person. This connection was just like a weird heartache that you couldn't control with logic. He didn't know anything about his soulmate's life. He didn't know who they spent time with, what was their favourite type of ice cream, if they have any allergies, what their laugh sounds like and how do they smell like. Derek still didn't know why "checking on dad" was written on his wrist three times a day, why the numbers were as senseless as they were and why some things were crossed through right after writing them down. So he stopped. Stopped trying to solve this fucked up puzzle, as he told himself. The first two weeks he thought he has to tape the sleeves to his wrists because he couldn't stop checking but it hurt every time he did. Eventually he trained himself to close his eyes when he took his clothes off and went to shower. 

Kate didn't care about his hands either. She never asked questions about anything else than his family. 

No wonder, Derek thought bitterly.

Retaliation had been on his mind for long, but guilt had been stronger. With nobody but half-grilled Peter left, Derek basically drove himself crazy. He ripped open his old wounds, too - Paige, the blame within. His lust for Kate - no need to hide it, it had been there. And his fucking soulmate, his left wrist. Surprisingly, that hurt the most. The notes on it were so ordinary he wanted to rip the list to shreds. 

new bat?  
hide chips from dad  
couch's gift!?!  
history test tmrw  
mayo  
The Involvement

Derek didn't have a razorblade. Claws seemed to be too dirty. Then again, he hadn't needed a knife ever in his life so the claws would have to do. He would make his own markings on his skin. His perfect, unbreakable werewolf skin. It would still hurt enough to get this guilt out. At least a bit of it.


	6. Chapter 6

"What the-"

Stiles's hand was bleeding right over his notes for tonight's evening. Had he somehow injured himself? He looked at Scott who was busy daydreaming and then back at the messy "new bat?" that was now also bloody, when the cut disappeared. Stiles froze. He tried to touch the wound even though he cringed at the thought of infection it might cause, but he felt nothing. His skin was smooth and dry. Stiles blinked. Another cut just.... happened?? on the next line. Stiles almost jumped out of his seat, muttering something about nurse's office as he stormed out of couch's class. It looked just like somebody had took a sharp object and slashed it through his skin. Stiles's brain noted that he didn't feel any pain, but he still felt like throwing up - this, this wasn't normal... Just when things were going to be okay again and him and Scott would try out for the lacrosse team and he would get Lydia to notice him, he starts to get bizarre visions of his hand bleeding out of random places? Or not so random. Yet another cut, deeper this time, followed the two before it. Stiles closed his eyes and started shaking his head, the sight clearly panicking him, but the vision didn't stop. Stiles run into the locker room, trying to wash the sight off, but the cold water didn't change a thing. So he just panted and watched as three more cuts followed, crossing the whole list. Then it stopped. The cuts disappeared one by one, leaving no trace behind. 

Scott found him like this, staring at his wrist and crying. He didn't say a word, just sat down next to him and slowly took Stiles's hand to his own. He had been doing so well lately, Scott thought. Taking care of his father, coming out with all of these crazy ideas to get them both arrested and practicing for lacrosse. Scott guessed even Stiles might slip somewhen, so he didn't ask a thing. If Stiles wanted to, he would tell him anyway. 

They were best friends after all.


	7. Chapter 7

Derek, though.

Derek didn't have anyone. He didn't even have writings on his left wrist, as if a punishment had been laid upon him. It was life's gift to him that he misused, he knew that. Even though remembering those words from his mother made him feel even worse than he did before, he never harmed himself again. The punishment had made him view things differently. He shaved his beard and brought new clothes. Started looking for an apartment, although it hurt a fucking ton to not be able to live in his own home. 

Eventually he left the city, trying to find himself again in the south. The marks on his arm still stayed hidden and he felt bad about it, but he hoped if he could forgive, then life would forgive him, too.

***

Stiles didn't write on his wrists anymore. He fell deep into depression, which was hard to hide from his best friend Scott, even though he did everything he could to keep the things between them the same. He didn't get enough sleep, he was restless, he missed his mom. He got Adderall when Melissa insisted on it, but it only calmed him down a little. Eventually he learned to look past the ennui that his life had become, trying to focus on things that mattered, even if they were completely trivial. Dad cheering at a baseball game, Scott smiling like a puppy when he got his job at the animal clinic, Lydia maybe looking in his direction at the library. It wasn't anything big, but it was enough so he could keep on living. Even when this town sucked and nothing ever happened -


	8. Chapter 8

It had been too long since he'd last been here. The visits he paid to Peter did not count.  
The air. The town. The promise of an alpha.  
It all seemed different now. But really, it wasn't.

Their home- his, his house had stayed the same. Burnt, broken, just like him. Just like all of them, actually.

Still, Derek let out a sigh, maybe it was going to change. He could hope.

But it sure as hell didn't feel like it when he had found Laura, ripped to halves by alpha's claws in the woods.  
That smelled like iron. Like vendetta. Vengeance. 

Derek tried not to think about it, but this may have been the only reason he felt like he could live on for. There was nothing else left. No desire, no purpose at all. Just... existing.

He found a motel, because he didn't have time to search for an apartment in Beacon Hills yet. This would only be temporary.

Or so he thought until he found something written on his left wrist again:

 

lunatic


	9. Chapter 9

Stiles was in a hurry - Scott could fuck shit up like this.   
And unlike the usual level of fuck-upiness of Scott McFuckUp, he now has more wolfy-powers in his use. Yes, Stiles wasn't in a good mood. However, that wouldn't get on the way of helping his best mate with stopping him doing silly things (like ripping girls in half or sacrificing his new crush to the alpha werewolf).  
Yeah, the new werewolf-baby definitely needs some help. 

Because Scott never googles anything, because Scott is in for the real things in life and would not believe his best friend even if the proof was clearly everywhere.

Stiles sighed.

"That bastard..." he muttered to himself worriedly. Stiles scratched his left wrist. Melissa's words still haunted him. How are they going to explain this to her? She is way too clever for her own well-being. Writing itself didn't feel as weird as it did in the beginning. It was like an old habit that just took over whenever something happened that took Stiles' mind off tracks. It was those moments Stiles wrote the notes for. To not forget. To keep on going.

He lingered for a moment and wrote

Derek Hale

on his wrist, too. He needed to do some research. This guy seemed sketchy. Although mildly hot. Not that it matters. Just maybe if he was gay, he

"No-no-no," Stiles shook his head in embarrassment.

What the everloving fuck had his life become? He had no idea.


	10. Chapter 10

Derek stared at his left hand.

There was a half-smudged but still fairly understandable "Derek Hale" written on his wrist and he just couldn't comprehend. Every time he tried to form a question in his mind like "why" or "what the hell", the train of thoughts just vanished. No words, just shock. His soulmate knows his name. There was no way that it was somebody else's name, Derek felt it in his gut. But why? His name was now getting smudgier and the skin around it was turning pink. Derek's mind felt like it had just dived into a pool full of ice - why would his soulmate write the name and then try to get it off? The questions started forming themselves again, this time successfully. Why didn't they - whoever they were - just scratch it off like the other random phrases that Derek could still see on the back of his hand? Why had his name been written down anyway?

The whole thing was a useless mess, really.  
He had made peace with not finding his soulmate a long time ago and buried all the problems and broken relationships with it, deep to the ground. And as if finding Laura's body wasn't bad enough, this too was now ripped open, all the loneliness and self-hatred burning through his lungs. 

Derek could hardly see his name now, but the uneasy feeling - more like a grave sitting inside his stomach - would not melt away.  
Still, he had to let it go. 

The full moon was up and he had a new pup to handle,  
Scott McCall.


End file.
